If You Do Love Old Men

I have been thinking about the behavior of old men a lot lately for two reasons. One is that our family had a short reunion in Bella Vista, Arkansas, about a week ago, and my ninety-year-old father-in-law came down for it. Another is that I have been reading Virginia Stam Owens' story about her grandfather entitled If You Do Love Old Men. I have been amazed by all the similarities in behavior between the two.

My father-in-law has been rather senile for years now repeating the same old stories about his love for baseball and seeing Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig as a young boy. In addition, he frequently loses his bearings while trying to find a bathroom in a restaurant, and he also is developing some paranoid tendencies such as repeatedly obsessing over a single idea in his mind. Likewise, the protagonist in Owens' book is much the same--showing complete lack of sound judgment by wanting to "trade" his place with acreage in Texas for a three-room shack. I have also spoken by e-mail to my friend Meera who tells me that her paternal grandfather also shared these "old men" behaviors. Her theory is that inactivity breeds an inward psychological focus on the past.

Since the title of Owen's book is taken from Shakespeare's famous play King Lear, I have to admit that I have always felt a lot of sympathy for the "old man" as he raves to the storm and lightning regarding his daughters' neglect of him. It is true that the two daughters ignored him after receiving their share of Lear's estate. While we can never condone their actions, we can at least understand them in light of the old man's confusion and paranoia.

I wish there could be a medical answer for the families who care for their aging parents. Often, as in these three examples, the body is still relatively strong, but the mind--as Meera states--is transitioning to a better place. In the meantime, we must be patient and remember that, as medical science extends the number of years for all of us, we will be there ourselves one day as well. And that's a real wake-up call.