"Go home and be old"

Marilynne Robinson's Gilead features a key character, the grandfather of the narrator, who has a moment with God and believes God tells him, "Go home and be old." The grandfather had been a preacher and political activist for war during the Civil War. His son, in contrast, had been a staunch pacifist. I have been thinking lately about whether or not it is ever o.k. to just sit on one's front porch and do nothing for the rest of one's life.

On the one hand, as I reflect upon my thirty-five years of teaching in both public and private schools, I am tired. It is as simple as that. For years I have taught toddlers in Sunday School; worked with the Girls in Action at various churches in which we have been members; hosted backyard Bible clubs in the summer; taught a number of special studies for adults; hauled students around for various competitions, readings, and performances; cooked numerous breakfasts for student gatherings; visited the sick in hospitals; and counseled students extensively for both personal and academic reasons. Since retiring to Little Rock, I have worked briefly in a homeless ministry and a food and gift shelter at Christmas. I have hesitated to become more involved in these projects, I suppose, because of selfishness. I enjoy my new life and freedom to do what I want when I want, without being restricted by a heavily marked calender.

On the other hand though, I realize that I probably have more to give to others. Indeed I write in this blog "Rocking Chair Reflections" frequently about the need to be more of an activist in society. Can I be true to myself if I talk the talk without walking the walk any longer myself? Perhaps I have not found the right ministry to involve myself in. I will continue to reflect upon these questions.