Broken Baby Dreams

Today is Mother's Day, so I guess I should not be too surprised that I had another "broken baby dream" again last night. The dream concerned our whole family taking care of a baby. The problem was that no one had fed the girl in over twenty-four hours, or changed her diapers. I remember in the dream going into the kitchen and frantically searching for a clean, sanitized bottle to put her formula or milk into. I could find only tons of dirty bottles with dried, caked milk inside them. Would I wait until I could sanitize them to feed the baby girl, or take a chance that she would not get sick drinking from an unsanitized one? I woke up before I could make a decision. This dream represents only one of many dreams I have had through the years about babies not being taken care of properly or who had accidents because I was inattentive. It has take me a while, but I now believe a couple of friends have given me the answer to these repetitive dreams.

I used to think I had these dreams because I was harboring some guilt over a miscarriage I had in 1977. I had gone to an oral surgeon to have two wisdom teeth removed when the assistant asked me if I could possibly be pregnant. I said truthfully that I did not know. My husband and I had wanted a third child, but I had no idea at the time that I was. Even though the usual radiation shield was placed over my stomach, I still was given several antibiotics and pain medications to take after the procedure. I soon discovered I had been pregnant during the surgery. The obstetrician was not worried about the x-ray but seemed concerned about the medications I had taken. I had a miscarriage when I was eleven weeks pregnant. After that I dreamed about a red-haired baby boy that never got a chance to live in our family.

Last year though in my Wednesday Bible study group, I posed the question of dream interpretation to my friends Joanna and Jo who work with women to explain their dreams. I was told by both of them that the "broken babies" represented my creativity that was not being explored to the fullest extent and represented my frustration with that fact. I have always wanted to write more than I have been able to through the years, but--like many working mothers--had to deal with mothering, being a wife, maintaining a career, serving in a ministry, being a club member, and so on. Writing was always "something I could do later."

I am thankful now that I have been retired for four years that I can write anytime I choose. I can stay up late or get up early or even write throughout the day. I am hoping to put my "broken baby" dreams to sleep forever.