The All-True and Incredibly Real Reason for Global Warming

Our media have bombarded us with their theories recently on the cause of global warming. It seems that they attribute the most plausible reason for it to humans. I could not agree more. I would further refine the discussion, however, to say the cause is the menopausal women of America who tossed their estrogen into the trashcans in the fall of 2002.

We all remember the alarm caused to us and our families when the research studies revealed a statistically significant correlation between estrogen and breast cancer. While the doctors were divided as to whether women should keep taking their daily regimens of the drug to prevent hot flashes and mood swings (along with a host of other symptoms), many women did not wait around. Almost in unison to the symphony of Beethoven's Fifth, we declared our independence from estrogen. "How hard could it be," we reasoned among ourselves, to live each day without it?

My own story is that I had taken Premarin for fourteen years. During that time I was sure I had no symptoms of aging into an old woman. My skin and body seemed to remain as young as when I was a teenager (or at least I convinced myself it was true). For the past five years, however, I have experienced enough hot flashes myself to heat the Arctic Ocean. Therefore, it has just become apparent to me that the all-true and incredibly real reason for global warming must be the millions of other woman like me. I am sure the ozone layer in the atmosphere could not possibly be strong enough to resist the warmth from earth that rises from most of us at least twenty or more times a day. I often ask myself if the hot flashes will continue after death as our souls rise into the heavens for the last time. If so, I am afraid there is no hope for a solution.