Frugal Fatigue . . . For Sixty Plus Years

I finally discovered the name of a problem this week that I have had for sixty plus years. It was on one of the morning television shows that it was called by name: frugal fatigue. While the name perhaps is new, brought about by the Great Recession of the past two and one-half years, the symptoms have been around forever. It's realizing that one should save money in order to pay bills and certainly not go out and buy a new car, a new house, or take a nice vacation. It's very difficult to live with that notion.

It started for me as the child of a single mother where money was always tight. I used to dream about finding change--quarters, nickels, dimes--in the grass. It was something I yearned for: to have my own money to buy a Coke if I wanted one. Later, as I began earning my own money, again my budget was very tight. After all, I had an apartment to pay for, food to buy, utilities to pay, and insurance premiums to pay. One of the greatest moments of my life occurred when I was nineteen and won a contest promoted by one of the local radio stations. I received $100 to buy some new clothes. It was a dream come true.

After marriage, my husband and I were students at the University of Mississippi in the late 1960's. We were blessed to receive the loans and grants we needed to pay tuition and buy books, but there was little left over for any fun purchases. We also had a new baby girl who needed money for formula, baby food, clothes, doctor, etc. In our thirties, we spent extra money on private school tuition for our two little ones. We sent them to a Christian secondary school for a total of twenty-two years. In addition, I received my doctorate, paying for every hour of education myself. Then came college tuition and expenses for the growing young adults in our family.

Finally, both children were fully educated, and my husband could take additional college classes to work on his CPA. It was then that he was downsized at age 57 from his position at a local hospital. He has now been retired for thirteen years; I have been retired for five. It seems as if, historically, we have always been in a recession in the U. S., which did not help our frugal fatigue either.

The good news is that our family has been healthy, the children have children, the children have good jobs and are taking care of their families, but nonetheless they are also now experiencing frugal fatigue. My daughter has told me through the years that one day she expected me to just leave and live at the foot of Pike's Pike in a cabin alone. She might still be right. Frugal fatigue over a sixty plus period is causing me to consider quite stongly the idea of getting into my 2004 Vibe and driving west with my credit card in tow. After all, I have a few thousand dollars left before my limit is reached.

A Tale of Two Men

We recently learned of the death of physical fitness expert Jack LaLanne who lived to be in his early nineties. Of course, he exercised every day of his life and ate healthy foods. In the day before our society became obsessed with fitness, we used to think he was an oddity. Today, however, we would expect no less of a long life span for Jack.

On the other hand, my father-in-law is still relatively healthy and is also in his nineties. For years his diet was fried chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy every Sunday, bacon and eggs every morning, and lots of fast food carry-outs. He also has a history of heart attacks in his family since his mother and two brothers died of the disease. He has never exercised. Who can determine the lifespan of a man (or woman)? We normally think lifestyle combined with good healthy food will lead to a long life, but he is an anomaly.

But still . . . with our desire to live forever on this earth . . . we continue to do our best to count calories, to cut portions, and to exercise. Who knows . . . perhaps it will truly help to extend our quality of life as we age.

Tucson and "Second Amendment Remedies"

The recent tragedy at Tucson with the killing of six people and the wounding of many others again raises the question of gun control. The Republican senate nominee, Sharron Angle, made headlines during the 2010 campaign with her statement that "second amendment remedies" might be necessary to consider. As I think about the Tuscon tragedy, I have to raise a question that many of us have considered: Would a person with a concealed weapon in the crowd that Saturday morning been able to kill the shooter and lessen the number of people injured or killed? There is always a possibility that more people would have been killed unless the concealed weapon shooter was blessed with a deadly aim for the enemy.

I have been a fan of gun control, and have been for years, since my father was shot three times and killed by a shooter in 1976. Even if I reluctantly agree to keeping some guns on the street in the hands of civilians, I certainly would remove any possibility of purchasing guns with multiple shot capability. While I am not naive enough to believe that insane killers would simply go away, after all they can kill with knives as they do in other countries, I believe limits and extensive background checks would lessen this violence. After all, guns are the weapons of choice in America. Why not work to at least raise the question once again in Congress?

Parallel Universes

Our Spiritual Formation class has been in quite a tizzy lately as we seem to have two groups of people representing two approaches to theology. One is the atheistic-scientific-humanist philosophy that wants to weigh and measure all things spiritual, i. e. if one cannot see or prove the event through history, then it must be metaphorical or symbolic. Another is the philosophy of faith believing that it is "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I believe we simply live in a world of parallel universes.

The discussion has been ongoing for the five years we have participated in this class. The atheistic-scientific-humanist group is not convinced that eternal life is a possibility, that Jesus was both divine and human (perhaps they say he was the son of a Roman soldier), that there was likely no Resurrection, and that Jesus was not born in Bethlehem, that there was no census to bring Mary and Joseph there. It believes Jesus was simply a victim of the evil Roman Empire and that God never intended to send Him as a sacrifice for the sins of humanity.

The other group believes in the Truth of the Bible, but of course gives credence to the idea that the Bible does speak and teach through many parables and many metaphors. Essentially, this group believes in miracles and that God indeed does intervene in the affairs of the world. It believes that the Bible was written by humans but by those who were inspired by God. How can the two views be reconciled?

The Episcopal Church states a theology based upon reason, tradition, and the Bible, yet it seems that in some circles reason is becoming the dominant tenet of the church. My question is this: If God does not interfere in the affairs of humankind, why should one bother to pray, to attend church, or even to attempt to live a moral life? On the other hand, if we believe in answered prayer and seek to live as Jesus lived--loving God and loving our neighbors, are we not better people? Do we not have hope not only for this Kingdom on earth but also for the eternal Kingdom ahead? I choose to believe in the philosophy of faith. While I have only anecdotal evidence (much of it) of the presence and working of God in my life through the past sixty plus years, it is enough. I am not convinced the parallel universes will ever come together.

"I've Grown Old"

After recently viewing the new version of True Grit, I have realized how quickly the years have gone by since I saw the original version with John Wayne. It was 1969, and my husband and I were college students at the University of Mississippi. We had a one-year-old daughter and were still in our twenties. The world "so various, so beautiful, so new" lay before us. Having grown up in underclass, or nearly so, households, we were excited about the move into the middle class with all its possibilities. Now, some forty plus years later, I can identify with the latest view of life from the 2010 version of the film. Rooster Cogburn runs across the landscape near the end of the film carrying Mattie Ross in his arms. Time is of the essence since she has been bitten by a poisonous snake. He exclaims, "I've grown old." So have we all.

Since we are just a few days into 2011, the time is always ripe for setting new goals and resolutions. I am proud to say that I have kept quite a few of my last year's plans: to lose weight (forty-three pounds last year), to write down a "quietly joyful moment" each day of the year, and to love and see my family more. The year just past was a good one. We enjoyed a great trip to Seattle and to Victoria, B.C. to see our daughter and grandson last June. We were able to be together as a family for a short week along with our son and two grandchildren from Little Rock.

This year I want to continue my resolutions from 2010 but also add a few more. I want to write more stories and poems. I have been blessed to read two pieces recently on NPR's "Tales from the South" program, and I hope to submit more for consideration. I want to pursue getting my novel published, which has essentially sat in a drawer since I completed it in 2004. I have realized that even at age sixty-six that one's productive years do not have to be over.

Yes, the years do go by so quickly. I always remember the old adage though that it's not the number of years one has but the quality that's important. I hope to live life to the utmost in the time I have remaining--before the next version of True Grit.

An Elusive Dream

We all know that as Americans we are blessed with tremendous advantages that most of the world cannot enjoy. Among those are freedom to be who we want to be, multiple ways to be happy, and economic opportunities galore. I often wonder what life would be like had I not be born an American. Many in our nation today are experiencing that reality. They are the children of illegal immigrants who arrived in America without citizenship. They have lived here for many years, and often they cannot speak their native language any more. They are primarily Hispanic. They are pursuing an elusive dream for full citizenship in the U.S.

Before the vote in Congress on the DREAM act, many discussions took place on television and radio on the topic. I listened to one such talk show on NPR, "Talk of the Nation," on the afternoon of Dec. 16. Host Neal Conan was totally convinced that the act would be defeated and, in my opinion, rudely said so to one of his guests named David. The listener would hear the disappointment in David's voice; it was almost to the stage of depression. Conan turned out to be correct; the vote was lost by five.

As is my personality temperament, I can see and sympathize with both sides of the argument. Opponents of the act say it is simply amnesty and bypasses those who have been waiting for years for citizenship or permanent residency. My son's friend just received her green card after twelve years in the country. On the other hand, I believe I could also argue for the opposing viewpoint. Conservatives tend to say that their argument for pro life centers on the idea that the child is not responsible for the decision of the parents. Yet they cannot seem to extend the same argument to children of illegal immigrants. I cannot imagine not being a full resident of the country I have grown up in and love. Why not extend grace to those who would serve our country in the military or who would have a chance to earn college degrees? While the vote was relatively close this time, I believe the elusive dream will become a reality in the near future.

Parenting 1 - 2 -3 -4

My husband and I have just returned from a three-day visit with my father-in-law who resides in an assisted-living facility in Wichita. P-Pa (as our children called him through the years) is now ninety-three and a half. We were a bit surprised as we told him goodbye that he had no idea who we were. The memory and knowledge though in our minds of who he is remains just as strong as ever.

As I think about the types of parents (and grandparents) in the world, I would probably classify my own father as a type one. He is the parent, due to his alcoholism and an early divorce from my mother, who supplied the biological sperm for my conception but little else. I barely remember him, and the times he came into our lives were usually always negative. He was there to ask for money to get to the next location. On one occasion, however, I remember somehow that he came to my cousin Betty Jean's house for either Thanksgiving or Chrismas dinner. I was about thirteen I think. It seemed to be uncomfortable for all of us.

The type of parent my father-in-law is reflects type two. He is the parent who provided what the family needed from a physical standpoint. He worked at Boeing Aircraft for most of his adult life as a draftsman. While he provided food for the family as well as shelter, he did not provide any emotional sustenance. He fit the stereotype of fathers from the past who simply "brought home the bacon." He did not understand the need of his twelve-year-old son for a ten-speed bike with racing tires for Christmas. Instead he gave him a one-speed Green Hornet with rubber tires for his newspaper route. In most ways, my husband and I both had absentee fathers.

My husband and I have most likely been type three parents. By this, I mean we provided as much support spiritually, emotionally, and physically for our children as possible, but we had expectations and goals set before them in order to receive our love. We loved conditionally. Since our parents were not ideal, we wanted our children to receive everything we did not have as children. When our daughter told us she was a lesbian, I wanted to withdraw love until she decided to be otherwise. Obviously, that was not a successful parenting strategy.

In my opinion, the truly ideal type of parent is type four. This parent loves and loves and loves. This parents sets no conditions when chldren reveal that they are not living up to expectations, goals, and dreams of their parents. I believe that is the type of love called "agape" in the Greek language and exhibits the love that many of us would like to exhibit. It's God's love for us. It's the highest and purest form of love.

As we left Wichita and thought about the reality of not being known anymore by the person who has known us the longest, we determined to be more intentional about becoming type four parents still (and grandparents).