Dying to Live

I just finished reading Debra Dean's novel The Madonnas of Leningrad which centers on the second World War and the siege of Leningrad by the Germans in the winter of 1941. Dean relates the story of a young woman who, along with her extended family, spent the long, cold winter in the basement of the famous Hermitage Museum. Food was only available, and in small amounts only, through the black market. As a result, many of the people died of starvation during this time.

While I was walking around my neighborhood in NW Arkansas recently, I contemplated whether or not I could have had the stamina to have survived without any substantial food for such a long period. Co-incidentally while I was meditating upon that question, NPR ran a story similar to the novel I had just completed. The subject was also on the World War II siege of Leningrad, but this time the setting was a seed-protection facility which carefully guarded seed potatoes for the sake of future generations. Many of the scientists refused to eat these potatoes even though they also starved to death.

I am afraid I have always had food issues that have ranged from being practically anorexic as a teenager to being some thirty to sixty pounds overweight as an adult. I remember that my grandmother's favorite statement as she aged was, "I have two luxuries in my life: eating and watching t.v." As a teen and coming from an environment that had been out of my control from birth to age twelve, I know that my refusal to eat food came from a deep psychological need to have control in my life again. As a more relaxed young married woman, I found myself overeating. In other words, as the old cliche goes, I found myself moving from an "eating to live" to an "living to eat" philosophy.

Today I hope that I have discovered that small portions of food and exercise are the key to maintaining a healthy body weight. I can't imagine the pain that the Russians experienced during this horrendous time of their history. I am afraid I would have eaten the seed potatoes then if given a chance. The immediate need would have triumphed over the future good.