Lighting Up

This week I sent an anniversary card to my sister and her husband who are celebrating forty-five years of marriage this month. My husband and I celebrated forty-three years of marriage in July. As I recall the dating years, I remember that my mother did not have very much faith in the success of my upcoming marriage. It was not for the usual reason, however, where a parent thinks the fiance is never quite good enough for her son or daughter. It was that Mama thought I would not be good to my husband. She thought I was a bit of a diva in my behavior most of the time.

Many psychologists and counselors have often asked the question, "What makes a successful marriage?" I believe a key answer to that question comes in the form of a spouse's reaction to a significent other's short absence and return. My husband still "lights up" when I return. "Now who else would do that at my age?" I ask myself and then answer, "certainly not my children, friends, or acquaintances." Strange men who used to light up when I entered the room simply stopped looking at me when I turned fifty or so.

I think the older we get the more we light up when we look at each other; I know I have lost that sense of independence that I had in the early days of the feminist movement. Then I wanted to do exactly what I wanted and when in order to prove I really belonged to no one. These days I want to enjoy being loved and cherished by my significant other. "Lighting up" after forty plus years is all right with me.