Still Searching

My sister Judy recommended several weeks ago that I read the fiction book entitled The Shack by William P. Young. It has been a bestseller for quite some time and is now number one on the paperback list. It basic story centers around a man who is searching for answers from God after the abduction and murder of his young daughter Missy. His question centers on a basic conern we have had for thousands of years: Why does God permit evil, pain, and suffering in the world? I am still not sure we have an answer--or that we ever will.

Richard Dawkins, author of The God Delusion and Christopher Hitchens, author of God is Not Great, have recently presented arguments that religion is the cause of great misery in the world. Other writers, like Bart Ehrman in his book God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer, have argued that perhaps God does not exist because no one has ever been able adequately to explain suffering.

Young's arguments are basically traditional ones from the organized church. Yes, God loves us greatly and gave his Son Jesus for our sins, but He also gave us free will and independence to choose either good or evil. God is with us in all pain and suffering, yet he does not always choose to intervene.

The area in which I have the most trouble understanding occurs when children, like Missy in Young's book, are hurt by adults who choose to do evil. I would think that, if ever God would intervene, it would be in these cases to protect the ones He most loves.

As for the many explanations that are continually given to explain pain and suffering, or to repudiate the belief in God, none have ever been sufficient for me. I am still searching for answers.

Commandments in the Gutter

As I began my neighborhood walk this morning, I noticed the slight cool breeze on a normally hot and humid August day. The sky was filled with thin clouds and revealed a beautiful blue sky, making intermittent showers of shade. After a week of rain it was good to be out on a walk again. As I glanced down, I noticed a postcard-sized white card in the gutter attached to a black string. It said, "Ten Commandments" at the top of the card following by the individual laws God gave Moses on Mt. Sinai. I have always been taught in my faith that God indeed does give absolute laws of right and wrong; however, many in the twenty-first century believe more in moral relativism. Is the Bible a living document (the same argument also applies to the American Constitution), or is it a word for all ages and all times? I tend to waiver on this issue.

On the one hand, it is comforting to think that God's laws are appropriate at all times. On the other hand, it would be even more comforting to think God is flexible enough to understand individual situations. For example, one of the commandments tells us that we should not kill. Yesterday in Little Rock a man who had recently lost his job came into the Democratic Headquarters downtown and shot the leader of the party randomly. He then went on to the Arkansas Baptist Convention headquarters, went up some stairs, pointed a gun at a worker there, and then inexplicably left the premises without another killing. Officers then pursued the fleeing shooter, returned fire, and killed the man. Does God give any leniency in His judgment to the perpetrator of this crime if it is shown by subsequent investigation that he was mentally ill? I believe He does.

I don't pretend to know the answer to these broad theological questions regarding right and wrong. I do believe we have to put ourselves in God's hand and trust in His word that He will be the judge. Until we stand before Him in eternity, we can just do our best to love Him and love each other but at the same time still keep the Ten Commandments in our sight as a guide. We certainly should never devalue them enough to throw them into the gutter.

Fidelity or Not--Optional

With the recent revelation that John Edwards has been having an affair during the terminal illness of his wife Elizabeth, I am once again flabbergasted by women who stand by their man. This case to me is the final straw. Yes, I was patient and made excuses for President Clinton throughout the affair with Monica (my sister, however, refused to attend his church here in Little Rock when the Clintons were in the city). Yes, I was patient when New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey announced his affair with another man (after all, it sometimes takes a while to discover one's true sexual identity). And I was patient through numerous other revelations from both Democrats and Republicans of their infidelities, somewhat agreeing with the argument that "it's only sex." I have now done an about-face with the Edwards scandal. I ask myself, "Is fidelity optional in marriage now?" and "Why do these women stay, especially in the face of public humiliation?"

I know everyone has been kind in the media not to mention any collusion on the part of Elizabeth Edwards herself. After all, she was informed of the affair two years ago, yet she herself chose to sweep it under the rug and carry on as usual with her husband's political ambition. Did she really believe no one but the family had to know? I believe she is just as guilty of being a hypocrite as he.

I asked my husband yesterday afternoon once again, "Do you think I would be sitting in this room having a conversation with you if you had been unfaithful?" His answer, unlike his usual long deliberation over any issue at all, was quick and to the point, "No."

Do these political women quickly calculate their own futures in the face of their husbands' infidelity? I can see no other reason for their fidelity in light of the infidelity of their significant other.

Lighting Up

This week I sent an anniversary card to my sister and her husband who are celebrating forty-five years of marriage this month. My husband and I celebrated forty-three years of marriage in July. As I recall the dating years, I remember that my mother did not have very much faith in the success of my upcoming marriage. It was not for the usual reason, however, where a parent thinks the fiance is never quite good enough for her son or daughter. It was that Mama thought I would not be good to my husband. She thought I was a bit of a diva in my behavior most of the time.

Many psychologists and counselors have often asked the question, "What makes a successful marriage?" I believe a key answer to that question comes in the form of a spouse's reaction to a significent other's short absence and return. My husband still "lights up" when I return. "Now who else would do that at my age?" I ask myself and then answer, "certainly not my children, friends, or acquaintances." Strange men who used to light up when I entered the room simply stopped looking at me when I turned fifty or so.

I think the older we get the more we light up when we look at each other; I know I have lost that sense of independence that I had in the early days of the feminist movement. Then I wanted to do exactly what I wanted and when in order to prove I really belonged to no one. These days I want to enjoy being loved and cherished by my significant other. "Lighting up" after forty plus years is all right with me.

Walking Toward Old Depot

I just read about the death of an acquaintance in Northwest Arkansas. She was a mere fifty-nine years old, and my best friend had called me about it the day before. While I had not see her for a number of years, I have the memory of her vibrant personality as the mother of two young beautiful daughters in our church. I have always heard that, as we age, our thoughts tend to move from the sensual desires of youth to the spiritual thoughts of eternity, especially as our friends begin to have health problems that are serious. I know this is true for me.

Last week while at our home near Fayetteville, my sister and I took a two-mile walk in the neighborhood. The heat and humidity were stifling even in the early morning hours, the unkempt tall grass of some neighbors was beyond being decent, and the sight of trash near a row of duplexes was unappealing. "Let's turn here," I suggested as we approached an old street in this small town. As we arrived on Old Depot Street, the temperature must have dropped several degrees because of the numerous towering oaks on each side that shaded the walkway. The scent of the mimosa tree blossoms pervaded the air. The newly fallen dry leaves crunched under our feet. We heard a cacophony, celebrating late summer with the sounds of tree frogs, locusts, and katydids. We glanced to the left and saw an apartment complex obviously designed for the older citizens in town named Savannah Park. Each unit had a small porch surrounded by a variety of potted flowers and easy chairs for visiting with neighbors. It seemed to be an oasis from life's sweltering heat and concerns. "Perhaps this is what heaven will be like," I thought to myself.

I think sometimes we worry too much about the future at my age (63). I need to remind myself to savor the moments of this life. The coming darkness is just that right now--in the future. But then, perhaps when the time comes, it might be as comforting as the houses on Old Depot.

Dodging the Spears of Life

A week or so ago, I was reading in the book of I Samuel and began to focus on a section of Scripture I had not thought about in a while. It is the one where David, the shepherd boy, is playing his music for King Saul. For no apparent reason, the king throws his spear at David announcing, "I will pin David to the wall with it." I have been thinking about the spears of life that are thrown toward us in our lives as well. Often they are just as unexpected and unwelcome, yet nevertheless can be a part of our spiritual growth and subsequent evidence of God's grace.

I am thinking especially about the many people in America now who are struggling financially because of job layoffs, illnesses, divorces, and just plain high prices for house payments, gas, and groceries. As Americans we have too often rested the past sixty years or so upon the assurance that our country is No. 1 in the world. We have depended on our ingenuity, hard work, and optimism to propel us forward and away in spite of spears that might be thrown our way.

Today, however, we might have moved beyond what our own power can accomplish. We live in a world where we are often more controlled by circumstances than free will. I have a good friend with a Ph.D. who has been looking for a position for months, even years. I have a family member who is divorcing. I have several friends who, like my husband and me, are retired, on a fixed income, and are seeking creative ways to balance the budget each month. I have an acquaintance who just had a multiple heart bypass. While we certainly never seek these trials in our lives, it is possible to at least not be pinned to the wall--if we seek God's help. I Samuel 18: 14 tells us, "God was with him [David]" and allows David to escape the spear twice. In fact, the Scripture states that assurance two times just in case we did not hear it the first time. David, of course, went on to become King David who was loved and adored not only by his people but also described as a man "after God's own heart."