Anna in the Closet

One of the most interesting films I have seen recently is a documentary entitled For the Bible Tells Me So. Our daughter's film Testimony is also very compelling. Both films' subjects include several Christian families who have had to deal with their children's "coming out." All of the people being interviewed were fascinating, but the one I found myself feeling emotional about was the story of Anna. Her story parallels that of our family in some respects but, thankfully, differs in the outcome. Anna's mother could not accept her homosexuality; therefore, Anna committed suicide by hanging herself in her closet. One cannot miss the irony that she never had a chance to truly be out of the closet and live her life being fully loved and accepted.

I can hardly condemn this mother in the film, however, since my initial response to our daughter's coming out was similar. As I tend always to do, I wanted to make the scene all about me: What will my friends think? Don't you know our Southern Baptist church condemns this behavior? How can I hope to have grandchildren? Like Anna's mother in the film, I even wrote a letter to our daughter reminding her that I felt she was not only being sinful but also very rebellious at this time of her life. A few months of mostly a silent and uneasy truce between us followed. She left to return to her graduate program in California. It was not until I heard our daughter's shaky, weak voice on the phone one early May morning that I could hear and sense her closeness to ending her own life. She simply stated, "I'm not well." I did not hesitate for a moment in my response, "Your Dad and I will be right out; we want you to come home."

Today Anna's mother has come to terms with her daughter's homosexuality as well and works actively in the PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) group. Our daughter lives with her partner of thirteen years and their two-year-old son. Anna's mother visits her daughter's grave regularly. I visit my daughter and her family regularly.

I do not know why one child lives and another dies. I simply have learned that relationships are the most important key to happiness. Unconditional love must not be bound. God knows all, and one day we will have that privilege as well.