Cole the Giver

It is always fascinating to watch the development of a child, especially as language skills become a tool with which to communicate. Our two-year-old grandson in Seattle, Cole, is now discovering the world which lies before him each day and is now able to tell us his thoughts, needs, and desires. Many of these center, not necessarily on himself, but on others. He loves to give gifts in the only way that he can at his age--he chooses the creations of nature to take home to his many adoring relatives--two mamas, two daddies, five grandparents, a nanny, her boyfriend, and many cousins. His favorite gifts are flowers (which he chooses from a plethora of possibilities within his yard and patio), rocks (both small and large), and leaves (especially now that fall has arrived and they are gold and red, in addition to the usual green). I have been thinking about what makes one child a giver and another not.

I talked to my sister, Judy, recently about the subject. She tends to think it comes by heredity. She credits our alcoholic father, who would always open his wallet and give one half of anything he carried in it if there was a need. Since she is four years old than I, I do not remember this aspect of his personality. I remember more the times when the tables were reversed, and he came to our house, even after I was married, to ask for money.

I tend to think the act of generosity and altruism is simply due to personality temperament. If we follow the old labeling system from the past, there are four personality temperaments: melancholy, sanguine, phlegmatic, and choleric. Three of these seem to be self-centered, all but phlegmatic. This temperament tends to show a child who can fit in with many types of diverse people; he has many friends; and he thinks of others more than himself. I believe Cole falls into this category.

Regardless of the source of generosity, I hope Cole's will continue it as he gets older. I hope that he will consider volunteer work as an elementary student and continue it as an adult. He is, after all, Cole the giver.